Just stuff

Asalaamu Alaikum,
Insha’Allah you are well

Right now I’m sat listening to Qur’aan recitations by Muhammad Siddique al Menshawee. Masha’Allah, he’s a top recitor. Good stuff! Puts my troubled heart at rest…

Things have been pretty hectic the past couple of days. I have been babysitting loads of annoying kids, whose immaturity makes you want to scream at times. I have also been caught up in cultural crap passed of as Islaam and gotten the usual stick from family members. Its one of those things that you don’t know whether you should laugh or cry. They think that I am being brainwashed by some wahaabi dude and just don’t get my way of thinking, and I just can’t see where they get some of their dodgy-ness from. *sigh*

I have felt really down for the past couple of weeks. I look around me and hate my surroundings. I daydream of making hijrah and getting the hell outta here. So much kufr and deviancy really gets you down. It’s the little things that I bet most people in Muslim countries don’t think of that I long for. I imagine myself in a village in Syria or somewhere, fully clad in black – niqaab an all, talking in perfect arabi with some sisters. I imagine the adhaan going off, masjids dotted around everywhere, even just walking around and seeing millions (ok not that much) of hijaabi sisters, greeting them with salaam.

My imaan has suffered a massive blow. I started these holidays positively. My imaan was not up there, but I was happy, if you get me. I prayed and the tears fell, I felt close to my creator, I felt fear… but now, I just feel empty. Just thinking about how I was just a couple of weeks ago makes me wanna cry. Where is my khushoo, where is my fear… where is my imaan?? I try so hard to pray with humilty. I try and try… but it’s not enough. That empty filling is not filled. I don’t know, I feel so crap.

Death…

Wherever you are, death will find you out, even if you are towers built up strong and high. [4:78]

It’s the only certainty in life, but I swear, we are so wrapped up in this dunya, you’d think there was no Day of Judgement. When someone passes away, it is a reminder from Allah (swt) that one day u too are gonna die. One day, you’ll be lying in a hole in the ground, surrounding by nothing but dirt. For the one who has died, that’s it, they cant do anything. But what about us? Why don’t we take heed? This dunya is only a place where we collect as much good deeds as we can and it’s the hereafter that we long for… Jannah. But do we think that yeh we lead a chillers life and then on that day, Allahs gonna rewards for doing crap all?

To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return [2:156]

Please remember, first those Muslims who are suffering at the hands of the kuffar, those in Kashmir, Chechnya, Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon and the whole Muslims Ummah in your duas, and then if its not too much to ask, I humbly ask you to make dua for this sister. Jazaak Allah khaire. May Allah bless you all, keep you steadfast.